One of the things that is still considered a taboo in today’s society is not wanting to have kids. It is as though the ideal predestined purpose in life is to have children.
The English actress, Helen Mirren once said, ‘It’s not that I don’t love children, they are funny and I just love them, but I never wanted to have them.’ In fact, a lot of men and especially women today share the same view.
Let’s explore the sudden shift of this paradigm.
Choice
From the day you were born till the day you die, you make numerous choices throughout your lifetime. And you make these choices based on your sound judgment and reasoning.
Now, while some of these choices may turn out to be the best decision of your life, others may not feel as great. But either way, you learn to live with it. And that itself is life, the good and the bad.
Some of these choices can be life changing. Wanting or not wanting to get married, wanting or not wanting to have a baby – these are choices that you have to live with for the rest of your life.
However, it is important that you make these choices on your own. So that at least one day, if you ever happen to regret it, you will at least know that whatever happened, happened because YOU made the decision. Not anyone else. And that’s a choice you should be able to live with.
All we have to do is respect the choice that someone makes. Especially when it comes to making personal life choices like wanting or not wanting to have a baby.
Additional Responsibility
Life itself throws so much at us, that sometimes, it just seems easier to not want to take on additional responsibilities. And when it comes to matters like having babies, you have to take full responsibility of another human being while taking care of the rest of your worldly responsibilities.
So it all boils down to two things – you are either ready to take upon the responsibility, or you are not. If it is the latter, then you should know that it is completely okay to not want to take this additional responsibility on yourself.
Stress
There is a lot of stress involved when you welcome a new child to the family. The baby is an addition to your already existing family and with added responsibilities come additional stress.
A recent study shows that the stress levels in a woman increases 20 folds after giving birth to a baby. With all that we already go through on a daily basis, it might not be the best idea to go through stress you are not ready to take.
Moreover, the stress after giving birth can last for years. And not everyone would want that amount of stress which they would have to deal with for years to come.
Priorities
Different people have different priorities in life. It can be that you prioritize your work more than anything else in this world. And it is perfectly fine to feel that way.
Women are as ambitious about their jobs as men are today. They too have career goals that they look forward to. While it was extremely difficult to do this earlier, women are now able to make their choices in terms of focusing on a career and starting a family.
So if it is the occupational ladder that you want to climb, no one should judge you or question you for making that choice. After all, it is your life at play here.
Financial Stability
Finances have a major role to play when you want to welcome a new member to the family. It all begins with having to pay for hospital bills to paying for education till the child grows into an adult. And not just that, the expenses only keep on increasing as they get older.
So if you think you or your partner do not have the financial stability for taking care of a child, perhaps it is best to not be forced into having one. Do what makes sense for you and your partner.
Mental Issues
In 2020, around 52.9 million people in the U.S were suffering from mental health issues or disorders. Mental health disorders can greatly impact a person’s life. And not just their own, but it can also impact the lives of those around them.
In recent years, the number of people being affected by mental health disorders have only increased. Starting from depression to other severe mental health issues like borderline personality disorder, people are battling with their mental health problems every day.
And if there is a slightest chance that the disorder can be passed on genetically, like bpd, then there is a high chance that your child will have it too. So why put someone through the same pain that you go through every day?
Therefore, if you are worried that your child might end up getting mental health disorders from you, then it is a perfectly valid reason to not want to have a baby.
Health Issues
Similar to mental health issues, other physical health issues can also be passed on from parents to children. For example, if you or your partner have had to battle with any major illness, genetic or otherwise, there is a chance that your child may have to battle with it too.
When it comes to serious health issues like cancer, lots of people incline towards not having a baby of their own. This is because they know what it is like to have to fight for your life every day. And to them, it is better to not put someone through the pain of having to worry about grave matters like having to fight with cancer.
However, severe health issues do not just end with cancer. Parents might also be worried about other severe conditions like heart disease or Alzheimer’s.
Unhappy
If the thought of having a child makes you unhappy, then it is a sign that you probably should not force yourself to have one. Prioritize your happiness above all else.
So if it is not having a child which is keeping you happy, then you maybe should not force it upon yourself. Not everyone gets happy having the same things in life. It is perfectly alright to be happy with other things like education, job, travelling or whatever it is that makes you happy.
Marital Issues
Your marriage might be in shambles and the only way out of this misery may seem like having a child. But deep down, you know that these problems will not go away by bringing a baby into this world. You will only be ignoring your marital problems and focus all that energy into taking care of your child.
However, the relationship between you and your partner may become extremely toxic over the years. So yes, having a baby may have worked out for some couples, but it isn’t necessary for it to have a similar impact on yours.
Hence, do not force yourself to have a baby to fix your marriage.
Overpopulation
There are around 7 billion people who are currently alive on earth right now. While this population keeps on booming every year, a lot of people take it upon themselves to abstain from having kids. And their sole purpose of doing so is to bring in some sort of balance into nature.
More so because there is a limited amount of resources for everything on earth. When you increase the demand without thinking about the availability of the supply, things can turn to utter chaos. So here’s to those of you who care so deeply about the environment.
Environmental Impact
Lastly, lots of people care deeply about the environment. And without these people, the world would probably be worse than what it is today. So, believe it or not, plenty of people do not want to have a baby for this very specific reason. They simply want to decrease the carbon footprint on earth.
Conclusion
It is not necessary for people to want the same things in life. So just because the people around you are doing things a certain way, it doesn’t mean that you have to do it too. Remember, it is entirely up to you to control the decisions you make in your life. Therefore, do not force yourself to have a kid if you really do not want to. Because, at the end of the day the decision will only have an effect on your life.
Photo by Kristina V on Unsplash
Reading all the negative aspects of not wanting to have a family is a concern. Well, what can one say, each to their own.
I really like this, it makes sense on so many levels. I think this information should be available to pre-teens. Jr high school is not too early.
You did not mention that some people (like myself) did not have a child because they were born into an abusive family (both parents) and the scars take a very long time to heal. At the age when I could have raised a child I was still too damaged to make a good job of it. Over the years I have received those ‘looks’ and been shunned by couples but deep down I know I did the right thing by me. I needed to feel and experience love but only found it in rescuing and caring for animals not a man. Now as a senior I can enjoy other people’s children and happily play with them knowing I could ‘give them back’ at any time.