On & Off Relationships – Is it Worth All the Hard Work?

We have all seen how on and off relationships can unravel in the ugliest of ways in front of the public eye.

I mean, how could we forget the five year long break-up and patch-up between celebrity couples like Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber?

Or how Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick finally called it quits after 10 years of ups and downs in their relationship, despite having welcomed three wonderful children in their lives?

We have all been spectators to these loving couples who, despite trying so hard, either broke off or are still trying to find the right foot to make things work. So, are on and off relationships really worth all the hard work and heartbreak?

Let’s find out!

What Are The Causes?

On and off relationships are actually more common than you think. Around 30-60% of relationships go through this rocky road of break-ups and patch-ups. Here are some of the contributing factors that give rise to these issues:


More often than not, couples find themselves torn between the curve balls life throws at them and their will to work towards their relationship. It is not like they don’t want to make an effort to stay together, but the circumstances make it impossible for them to make things work.

Therefore, based on their current inability to create a perfect balance between their relationship and work/life responsibilities, they opt for break-ups.

However, these break-ups don’t generally last that long. The minute life gets easier for both of them, they patch up, only to break up again when life gets harder.

Problems with Communication

Not everyone communicates the same way. Some like talking about their issues, while others just tend to stay quiet. However, if you choose to stay quiet, the negative feelings can build up over time, causing you to break up. Breaking up might seem easier than talking about your issues.

But then again, the break-up doesn’t last long because you start to miss each other and pick up right where you left off. Unfortunately, the cycle doesn’t end there. Are you wondering why? It’s because whenever problems arise, you break up instead of properly communicating with each other.

So, the cycle continues, until one of you decide to break it off or finally start to communicate.


You may love each other a lot, but if you two aren’t compatible, things will never work out. Let’s take a look at an example.

Two people can have great chemistry and still end up having a lot of disagreements. While it is okay to have different opinions and disagree with each other, if it keeps on happening as a recurring thing in the relationship, it can lead to frequent breakups.

You two barely agree on things and call it quits. But since the chemistry is great, you end up patching things up to make it work again. Do you the cycle?

A Lot of History

It is often hard to let go of the things which have happened in the past. Mainly because it caused you a great deal of pain.

However, one downside of having way too many bitter memories together is that they get brought up during a fight, causing you two to break things off.

Nonetheless, since you have already invested so much time into the relationship, it might seem like a waste of time to call things off. This is one of the major reasons why couples don’t break up even though they are unhappy with each other.


If someone has told you that they have ‘figured’ it all out, they are probably lying because life is full of unexpected changes. And while it is okay to not have life figured out yet, what’s not okay is to keep going back to your ex even though you are unsure about them.

So, Is It Worth The Hard Work?

In my humble opinion, most people patch things up because they get lonely. In order to fill up that emptiness, they end up reaching out to their exes to reignite things again. However, this happiness only lasts temporarily.

Therefore, ask yourself – Are you only trying to patch things up because you are lonely? Or do you want them back in your life because you love them?

If it is the latter, then it is okay to try to work things out!

When To Stop Trying To Make It Work?

On and off relationships are generally associated with a lot of toxic and bad memories. One of the first red flags of going back to your ex is when you see that they still have commitment issues. They either want to make this work with you or they don’t.

What I mean, respect yourself enough to not let anyone else take the advantage of your love for them. Especially when they don’t reciprocate it in a similar way.

If you think your partner does not appreciate you enough and is unable to rectify previous mistakes, then you should call it quits. This is because dealing with an extreme amount of toxicity and negative feelings that are recurring, can be emotionally draining for both of you.

So why not save yourself these frequent heartbreaks and focus on something more meaningful and worthwhile?

How To Make It Work?

Are you still hell-bent on making things work out? If it is because you genuinely love each other and think this relationship deserves one last chance, then, you can try going to a couple’s therapy. Not only will this will help you to talk out your differences, but it will also enable you to understand each other a lot better.

Yes, it will be very hard because a lot of things from the past will get brought up. And some of these things might include certain memories or incidents which you are not proud of. But you both have grown as a person and you are trying to make this work out, despite the emotional baggage you may carry. And this shows nothing but potential for fixing things between the two of you.

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

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