Although it takes two to tango, it is still possible to feel the guilt of being entirely responsible for how toxic your current relationship is. Mostly because that is in fact the case and you are just becoming aware of it.
What is A Toxic Relationship?
A relationship where both of you are looking for an escape because of all the mental and physical crisis you are causing each other is most definitely a sign of a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships generally come to an end because of all the drama associated with it. By the time you both agree to a couple’s therapy, it might be too late for it and you both may not have the energy to deal with all the toxicity anymore.
Are you the Toxic One?
If toxic relationships have become a regular thing for you, it might be the time to get yourself in check by re-evaluating the kind of person you are. Yes, this is not going to be an easy process because admitting to your toxic traits is one challenging job.
However, it is possible if you are willing to rectify yourself in order to have a better chance at the whole relationship thing in the future.
Are you just now realizing that you might be the toxic one in the relationship? Is it finally hitting you how all of your exes have always gone their separate ways after saying, ‘It’s not me, it’s you.’
If yes, then a checklist will surely help you to gain a better perspective about yourself. We have taken the time to create the checklist below, which will enable you to self-diagnose yourself for any toxic traits that you may have –
A superiority complex is a defense mechanism that one adopts to hide their own limitations as a person. If you are someone who likes to think that they are better than the person they are with, you most definitely have a superiority complex.
Using a condescending or sarcastic tone, rolling your eyes, or saying things that make your partner feel inferior to you, are all signs of superiority complex. Superiority complex can bring so much toxicity into a relationship that couples often have no way left than to end things and move on with their life.
Do you manipulate things to make yourself look good in front of your partner? Dr. Tatkin says “It’s a triple threat when you withhold information, lie about it, then gaslight your partner and make them think it’s them.”
Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most toxic traits that people are getting called out for on social media these days, and for good reason. Making your partner believe that it is their fault and that they are paranoid and crazy is what gaslighting is all about.
If you always end up making your partner feel this way to make yourself look like a better human being, then this is a solid sign that you are toxic and in need of some professional help.
Everything is About You
During a fight, are you always focusing on your emotions entirely and avoiding your partner’s? Do you always tend to ignore the points your partner is trying to make by only concentrating on yourself?
If you have made it a habit to make yourself look right after every fight and only seem to care about the things YOU want from this relationship, then you are a toxic partner to be with.
A little disclaimer for you – No one likes to be with someone who only likes to think about themselves only. A relationship works because it is a two-way street. It is a joint effort and requires two to work equally hard for it.
So, if you only keep on worrying about your emotions and wants only, then it might the time to see a therapist and find out how you can be more compassionate with the people you are with.
Partners should always be equals in each other eyes. No one is superior or inferior to the other. However, people who are control freaks would say otherwise.
A control freak is someone who likes having things done their way. For instance, always getting to choose the movie for the night or not giving their partners the liberty to choose or generally do things for themselves, are all signs of extremely toxic behaviour.
Personal space is very important if a relationship is to work smoothly. If your partner gives you the space to do your own thing, you should also be doing the same.
However, if you are someone who is always being very invasive of your partner’s personal space, even if he/she is respecting yours then you might be toxic.
Do you often take advantage of your partner’s vulnerability? Especially when they are already upset or in tears in front of you? If yes, then chances are you are an emotionally abusive partner, who is indeed very toxic.
Signs of emotionally abusive behaviour include bullying, embarrassing, criticizing, and manipulating your partner with consistent words of abuse. It is generally done with an intention to make them doubt their confidence, self-esteem and undermine their overall mental health.
Not Taking Responsibility
One of the biggest toxic traits is to be the one at fault and not take responsibility for it.
If you are doing this, then you are either not serious enough about the person you are with or you just don’t like admitting to your mistakes. Either way, if you have trouble addressing that a certain thing might have been your fault and you are not apologizing for it, know that your partner is having to deal with a very toxic person, i.e., you.
More often than not, we all end up adopting certain toxic traits, either as a coping mechanism or because we have been fashioned to be that way due to childhood trauma. Whichever it is, it is never too late to be apologetic about your behaviour and seek help to prevent such toxicity in the future.
Always remember, a little apology can really go a long way and it can often be a start of a new friendship. So why not give it a try?
10 thoughts on “Are You The Toxic One In Your Relationship – A Checklist.”
These are scary things to talk about. They are emotionally deep.
These are things that people would have sit down and talk about. Talk about right away before they made any commitment in relationship
If any of these topics are in the relationship perhaps it is best to be good friends first . So each person can decide over time if they can live with different happening.
Maybe sometime people have to take a person for who they are
Accepting a person for who they are is important.
I think you got to know them
One person may find a
Person different than some one else fines them.
what to do if you are witnessing a toxic relationship and they won’t listen to you. My grandchild is in a relationship and they are both very toxic. She does not listen to just let him go and she does’nt. HELP. They have a child and that is not good. please help me if you can.
I did appreciate this note on toxic relationship. I am a victim of such toxic relationship. Thanks a lot.
I think she is cheating and I just can’t prove it yet but with time the truth will come out
My partner does all but one of these the one he doesn’t the first one is the toxicity that I bring to the relationship due to him putting me in the leadership role for the past six years we have been together 18 years our love and great sex plus five kids is what we have emotionally he has checked out
Thanks a lot, your words has touch me dearly, am going through a lot in my marriage, but I have learned something that am going to use it
I know im not the problem i never did to my partner what he has done to me every promise was broken everything was 10 years i lie not encluding the betrayl sleeping with my daughter and my 2 step daughters my step grand daughter?? there isn’t anything that he did not do he’s history to many times i forgave but never will i forget the trama iv got PTSS
I escaped nearly thirteen years of a very toxic man. My own superiority complex didn’t allow me to acknowledge how evil he is! He loved me, cared about me, and worried about me, until my dad died then he tried to kill me three times. I have been hiding for over 3 year’s now. I’ve come to realize I ignored everything in my smug assumption I was smarter, I opened my eyes in time by the grace of God to flee and save my life! Don’t ignore the bells and whistles going off, and don’t assume anything, it could cost you your life. I’ve acknowledged he is a covert psychopath that means me dead if he ever finds me! Wake up and smell the BS!
Thank you for this post. Mine is beyond repair. I need to find sanity so I am moving forward to a happier and healthy life.
I left him because our relationship was killing me inside, yes it was very toxic and I can’t say it was all him. But once he hit me and didn’t even say sorry and blame me for him having to hit me. I left feeling so broken. I stayed with friends for 2 weeks and realized I needed to be alone so I could find myself again. He had stripped me of myself. I am living alone and it’s hard and lonely, but I am analyzing myself.