Prioritize Yourself- How to Put Yourself First.

We tend to recall negative events and emotions more than pleasant ones, according to research by Elizabeth A. Kensinger. Good emotions must be encountered nearly three times more often than negative thoughts in order for people to have a positive outlook.

People who are in a good mood are more active and imaginative. Focusing on negatives, on the other side, will make you less optimistic.

That indicates you should find a way to avoid dwelling on the negative things in life. However, it is easier to be said than achieved. I am here to share what helped me to let go of the negative things in my life.

Recognize how it’s Holding You Back

First of all, it is extremely important for you to recognize the things that make you uncomfortable. We all have something unpleasant in our lives; some are voluntary, and others we have no power over. It can be toxic relationships or something bad that happened in the past. 

We can find unhealthy relationships among relatives, romantic relationships, acquaintances, friends, bosses…almost among everyone. The nature of these dynamics doesn’t matter much, sometimes they can make you feel pretty bad about yourself. 

Listen to your mind and body. The relationship between our mind and body is extremely strong. What would your body say if it could talk?  

  • Do you have a sense of burnout?
  • Do you have a sad feeling?
  • Is there any physical discomfort?
  • Does it hurt?

Often, we let ourselves operate on auto-pilot mode, without realizing how the unpleasant things in our lives are affecting us. This is why having a strong mind-body connection is important. Knowing yourself helps you to recognize the things that hold you back.

Learn To Walk Out Of Unpleasant Situations

Here, you need to know yourself well. When you know your own intent and what you meant, it slowly gets easier for you to understand where you came from.

If you are coming from a good place and you get misinterpreted, you can always try to communicate yourself better. If the person doesn’t seem to understand you even after that, you probably did your best and you should just walk out of the situation.

It’s a small step to start letting go of unpleasant situations.

Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. For example, staying in a bad relationship can be more hurtful and harder to bear than being by yourself. When you’re out of the relationship, you can look back and analyze what had actually happened and what warning signs you should have seen coming.

Stop Blaming Yourself

The world isn’t always a nice place. Sometimes, things are just not your fault.

In an attempt to make sense of their environment, many individuals build a coping mechanism by blaming themselves for every little thing that went wrong. This can have a serious consequence because continuous self-blame can make you feel insignificant. 

For instance, many end up hating themselves when they cannot reach their goals. A people-pleasing mentality and being a perfectionist can also make you feel like you are not good enough.

They say comparison is the thief of happiness and I couldn’t agree with it more! Whatever the reason is, be kinder to yourself. I am pretty sure you did your best and you still are. And if you made any mistakes in the past, remind yourself that it is a learning process.

Don’t we all make mistakes? Just own up to it and learn to be better the next time. No point in beating yourself up. That doesn’t bring any good to anyone.

Speak Up, Build A Support System

Whenever something needs to be spoken, people sometimes sit back and don’t say anything. In our society, silence is generally interpreted as approval.

When you are being wronged or see something unjust happening, try to weigh the pros and cons of speaking up. If speaking up will not affect your safety and have a greater impact, you should go for it. At least you will know you did your best!

When you are in an uncomfortable situation, speaking up means more than informing others of your stance. When someone is manipulating or trying to take advantage of you, silence may well have the reverse effect.

When we do not really speak up, it gives everyone else the idea that we are content with whatever is happening. And while you’re at it, focus on building a support system that will believe and support you when you speak your truth.

Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness is the willingness to let go of bitterness and feelings of resentment as you move on to the more meaningful aspects of your life.

When we hold a grudge, it has a negative influence on our quality of life. Let me illustrate the point.

Respondents in a study conducted by psychologists were asked to describe a grudge they held against others. Reminiscing about the grudge caused an increase in blood pressure, pulse rate, and sweats. emotionally, participants reported getting frustrated, sad, nervous, and out of control.

Once they were instructed to consider forgiving, their levels of stress dropped and the symptoms they had been experiencing dissipated. In the area of mental health, forgiveness has been shown to reduce tension and internal struggle while also restoring optimistic thinking and practices.

Forgiving somebody who has treated you unfairly does not imply believing that perhaps the hurt did not occur. It entails more than just acknowledging an apology. To forgive, you must let go of your frustration and negative feelings, and forgive, even if you do not get an explanation or apology. 

Final Words

With all that being said, we all need time to let go of the negatives. Nobody can do it within a day, or even a month. It requires constant struggle and effort to consciously try to let go. We have to keep trying till it becomes a habit.

Remember, we are all different in our own way. So, find what works best for you!

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

21 thoughts on “Prioritize Yourself- How to Put Yourself First.

  1. This message was right on time with a restructuring of my life. As if the SOURCE sent me this much needed puzzle piece. Thank you

  2. Is something bad going to happen that you are a ware of and you are informing me this way. I say this because you seem to be trying to prepare me for what is to come. Sometimes it is better to be completely clear as to what is going on. Then there are no surprises . Many people are aware of what is happening. So can you tell me what you know that you feel Ido not know. Is there something in my love life you
    Feel I am not a ware of or my social life. It is good to be up front because I will begin to feel that you are part of what ever is happening. Sometime it is better to talk to the person about what is happening and not hide . I am strong .I made it this far in my life and weathered a lot . I am still living in my world taking life as it comes

  3. My son wants nothing more to do with me because I have a problem with gambling.Im so bored all the time as nothing to do.Im 74.

  4. I get depressed almost every day when I wake up in the morning and think about the past and how I have failed. These thoughts are often about how I could have been a better parent, or didn’t give my first marriage a fair go, or married the wrong persons following my first, and I have made so many mistakes in picking the wrong people to love………. so it goes on.
    I can’t seem to move on and I am now in my 70’s and my past haunts me. I hate living like this

  5. Thank you I really enjoyed this passage because I struggle every day trying work on being more positive and I need help trying too get there

  6. Everything you have said is very true, I really believe everyone should have therapy but not everyone can afford it!
    Many thanks for the advice.

  7. This is very inspirational reading material. Thank you very much for sharing this message with me.

  8. Give him a full permission to do whatever you think is necessary to put me back on the right path I have no money

  9. Dear Sir or Madam

    A appreciate this message with my whole heart. May the Lord be with you all the Ultimate Living.

    This just came at the right time. Is like it was sent from above. Which i find also a lot of people are going through that.

    We need some platform, or support to help youth and upcoming children mindset. The only thing in my country, alcohol, drug abuse, teenage pregnancy.

    I realised that we are dormant as potential young people, because nothing motivates us. We just live in a selfish nation.

    If ever you have any branch, or offices in my country South Africa.

    I appreciate your editions that enlighten us, and discover ourselves. Please Sir or Madam am a diplomat, im in love with peace and harmony umong people.

    But our financial situation limit us of our abilities. I can sing, i can connect big sound systems. All i obtained from church, but porvety has changed the minds of the youth of South Africa.

    I have a few whom i adviced, motivated and led them to quit drugs. The only thing that is a weapon from quiting, is idling, doing nothing, boredom.

    I have a deep desire wich im ready to die for, to lead people live a right way. Because life is governed by principles. We reap what we have sawn.

    I will like to hear from you, on my proposal. I will be trustworthy until i die, because this is what i am born from. Our children i growing up without a father figure because their parents made them while they were enjoying life. Due to alcohol abuse, some are fatherless.

    It is said charity begins at home. Once families are healthy, the community will be healthy, and once the community is healthy. We will have a healthy nation, that will be of essence to other nations similar to one.

    God bless you

    Samuel Tebogo Setlhare

  10. Thanks I just comment of forgive and forget How can I manage this I’m able to forgive but difficult to forget how can I do in case of this

  11. I really try to be positive in life, but no matter how hard I try atd believe I do, my life is built around Murphys Law….I feel like I’m just jinxed because no matter how good things get…..there’s always a hiccup to make it difficult. Life has never been easy for me and I don’t like confrontation and people know that, so I’ve pretty much been walked on all my life. If I do speak up, it seems to always come back to make me the bad person. I do my best to stay strong, I’m grateful for so many things, especially beating cancer once, even though I’m going thru treatments again. I have a very strong willed daughter who I feel as good as she us to me, that she doesn’t understand that no matter how positive I am, everyone still has a bad day now and then. Its tough being me sometimes. But I’m blessed to have great kids and grandkids in my life and I think life is starting to to have a good outlook.

  12. Hi, your tips are very helpful, particularly with the situation that I’m currently experiencing. Sometimes I feel trapped and dis-empowered. I know that you’re here to help. I’ll try my best to do better.

  13. This post speaks truth to me. This post gives me guidance and clarity on circumstances that I am going through right now in my life. Trying to find support has been difficult. A true friend has surfaced and supports and encourages me to go on with myself. To stay positive and to believe in my direction on this earth. That not all people are bad, manipulative, insensitive or dishonest.
    Thankyou writer of this post for finding me.

  14. Yes I was in a toxic marriage for 20 years, and it’s taken a huge toll on me ever since. I left him on 24/12/13 n he died on 5/3/14. But mentally I’m still struggling with it all. It drives me insane. I just can’t seem to shake him off. I have a beautiful son from then, he’s the one that left first, n wouldn’t come back until I left him. So I left. Best thing ever. But I have a huge problem with keeping myself clean. Bathing as he made me feel unworthy of that basic need, n it’s still going on. I hope I haven’t bored you with this story. Otherwise thank you for reading n please take care of yourself too. Thanks Deb

  15. Hi
    Thank u for the topic of forgiveness. Though sometimes is so hard to forgive a person who doesn’t stop who keepon doing hurtfull things to u over n over. I’m a person that forgive but recently I have the hate for that one person who always hurts me sad part is I don’t know what I ever did to her,She had push me to hate her n it hurts me to feel that way about anyone. I just can’t forgive her.

  16. Yep one needs to put herself first before others. People can make you loose focus and direction of your lifestyle you want to live. One needs to know her stories and stop pleasing people. People can easily destroy you if you are not smart. Wherever you are ensure that you are doing things extremely smart. Love yourself in order to can love others. Be always down on earth for you will achieve your goals accordingly.

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